It's been aaaaages since I've posted. I have been overloaded with life stuff, and not in a good way. Last time I posted about staying healthy by keeping balance - and even with my best efforts, I let that balance slip.
I'm a very all-or-nothing kind of person. I will either not do something at all, or go to the other extreme and go crazy with it. When I take things on, I can really bite off more than I can chew.
Case in point, my life now. I'm 3 weeks out from my show, all the while I've been working very long hours (early morning to well into the evenings), going to school part time, training usually 2x a day for 6 days a week, and travelling hella far to commute. I live too far to go home on my long breaks, so I end up having to kill 2 to 4 hours several times in a day. I either work out or eat, but I can't just slip into my pajamas and BE. I feel like I never have time to go home and just chill... my laundry isn't even put away after 5 days of being washed!
All of this stress has made me so tired. Even though I've been supplementing for my adrenal glands, meditating, and have lots of love in my life, there is only so much physical exertion I can handle before I burn out.
Now that I've ranted and you all feel my pain (lol), there is a happy side. I've been on a really good spiritual journey to heal my chakras (the body's energy centres). I can feel big changes coming for the positive, in the near future. The Universe always puts things in front of you for a reason.
Some things I've realized...
- There is no point in making a life you are too busy to enjoy. Money is money, time with loved ones or just relaxing times to yourself are worth more than anything.
- There is no need to feel guilt in saying "no" when you are overwhelmed and do not desire to take on a commitment. I often feel guilty doing this, but I've realized that if I don't take care of myself I cannot take care of others or do my job to the rest of my ability.
- The past is the past, the future will be there, but the present is what's in front of you. Learning to live in each moment and enjoy it is something beautiful. Because of my energy imbalances, I have anxiety and am often thinking of other things at any given time, and not what I'm actually doing...which brings me to a point.
Your life should be something you're passionate about. Your career should be what you do as a passion, what makes you you. I had to ask myself - is that what I'm doing now? Am I doing what my heart beats for, what I feel I do best and what I truly love?
The answer from the bottom of my heart is no. Even though I do enjoy the things I currently do, I feel like I am missing out on my true passion. I am still discovering what I am put here to do. One thing I do know is that I really miss being in the kitchen and creating recipes. I miss going in the and not thinking, just letting myself come up with something delicious, beautiful and healthy.
I am beyond excited to get back into blogging and letting my creative juices flow, starting in the next month or two! I will be changing this blog into a real dot com website. Stay tuned for lots of updates in the near future. I'll be adding tons of good info I've gathered in my time studying holistic nutrition and my experience as a vegan bodybuilder.
Words of advice to anyone experiencing similar feelings with being overwhelmed and burnt out - listen to your intuition. Do some reading and heal your spiritual health, then find what your true passion is. Don't let anyone or anything stop you from doing what you love. Believe in your dreams and make them manifested in reality.
Sending lots of love and kindness to you all! And a good night.
xoxo Tijana
